Day Five: The Standard of Being Equally Yoked
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common. Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"
Last week I began a co-ed small group that is studying "The 10 Commandments of Dating" by Ben Young and Dr. Samuel Adams. I have read the book before, but I figured an in depth study of what I had read would not be a bad thing to look at, being single and all.
As each of us were studying and discussing the book, the subject of expectations vs. standards or "the bar" became a focus of the conversation. The distinction of expectations and standards can often be blurred.
We are taught not to have high expectations because when things don't live up to those expectations we are hurt and disappointed and left wondering and questioning why things did not go our way. Standards are different though. You can have standards and not be disappointed. Every girl has their standards for the man she wants to marry. We have a bar that is set high because we know, as God's daughter, that we deserve a strong Christian man and we will not settle for less. We know to look for certain qualities in a man that live up to that standard and will not go past the first couple dates if we do not see those qualities. There will be a bit of disappointment though girls. I mean, if you liked the guy and wanted to get to know him more and he wasn't what you thought then you will be disappointed. You just not to the point if you had made those standards expectations.
I think the most important standard we must have girls, and sorry guys I'm more directing this towards girls today, is being equally yoked with the man we decide to date. A man is supposed to be the leader in the relationship and when I say leader I am meaning in every way. Look at Ephesians 5:22-24...
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Italics and bold mine).
OK girls, swallow that for a second. I'll give you a moment...
Done?
Good!
OK now... girls, this does not mean that you become is slave and fetch his cigar and slippers as soon as he walks in the door. What it means it that we submit to them as we submit to Christ. Example: You are married. You both decide you want to renovate the kitchen. You want to hire a contractor and builder to do it. Your husband feels he has watched enough HGTV and Mike Holmes to do it himself. You debate back and forth and it goes from being a simple conversation to an all out brawl. After an hour or so of raised voices you finally realize that if this is something he wants to do that you need to trust him and submit to that. He makes the final decision and even some of his arguments make sense in the long run. Well, he begins the project and realizes a month in to it that he is certainly NOT Mike Holmes and that someone needs to be hired to finish the job.
Now, what do you NOT do? Do NOT tell him "I told you so", but DO encourage the work he has done and say it was a bigger job than you both thought it would be.
You submitted to his leadership, but you also had a voice in it because of your encouragement.
When you are in a relationship that is equally yoked then most things seem to flow a lot smoother. I'm not saying it all easy and it's a bed of sweet roses, but you tend to have less arguments and you tend to respect each other more and in new ways. I have been on both sides of the spectrum.
I dated a non-believer for 3 years. Closer to the end of the relationship I was floating in between the realm of believer or non-believer. We fought constantly. We didn't agree on much. It became verbally violent. We were both living in sin. And we both became very unhappy.
Then after accepting Christ and a little over a year after I dated the non-believer, I dated a believer. Our relationship was the total opposite. We never fought. We agreed on most everything (except our favorite baseball team. See I am a Yankees fan and he is a Red Sox fan, but I digress...), we were both encouraging and kind to one another and we were both living for our amazing Lord and Savior. We were both very happy. Now, even though that relationship didn't work out at this time for personal and spiritual reasons on both ends (nothing bad occurred), I was still able to see the difference of how a non-believer/believer and a believer/believer relationship worked. I was able to see how much happier and at peace I could be dating someone who believed in the same values and morals as I did. I could see how easier it flowed and I could feel the blessing of God from the beginning.
What other standards do you have? This question reminds me of something I read during my first year being a Christian and was brought up during my co-ed small group.
The book, "The List" by Marian Jordan is a perfect example of expectations and the disappointment when those expectations are not met. In her book, she describes what most girls affectionately call "the list". This list has everything from getting a car, going to college, getting the ring, the husband, the great job, the house and 2.5 kids (I guess the dog is concluded as the .5th kid). Now what happens when only 2 things from that list actually happen? You become disappointed and let down. You have the car and graduated college, but the rest of the list seemed to fall away after that. She says we need to toss our list and opt for list God has for us.
As I have said before, I made a list of the "perfect" man for me. I won't go into what it says since that list is really no longer in existence, but I had everything from the truck he drove (he has to drive a truck) to being a strong Christian who is ready to lead in a relationship. I then prayed over this list. That's when God told me to give my list up and opt for His list for me which would make my list look like nothing. I did and was then blessed with a relationship with a sweet believer for a season.
That relationship taught me not only to let God's list be my only list, but it also taught me to have standards and not expectations. I should not expect my man to be a certain way, that should be my bar and standard. If they do not match how I need to be treated then the man has no chance past date #1.
My challenge for you today is to give up your list for God's list. To set standards and not expectations and to have discernment with those standards. Are you ready to give up your list and be open to God's? Trust me, I have had the blessing to have a taste of God's list. And if God's list goes beyond that taste that I had... then bring on the feast!
In Him and For His Glory!
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