The Finish Line

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Paul fought the good fight. Paul had finished the race. Paul kept his faith in the Lord through the persecution and turmoil that occurred in his life. Paul will hear God say to him, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:21). But for us, we are still fighting, we are still in the race and we are still struggling with having full faith in giving God total control in every piece of our daily lives.

You would think that when things of confusion, pain, anger and any other word for a total lack of understanding, come up that writing would be so much easier. You could just let all of your feelings out and then feel better knowing that you finally got what you had been thinking the whole time off your chest. Well in my case, and in shock to myself, I completely shut all writing down. I don't want to think of the pain or the lack of understanding. I don't want to re-live conversations that now confuse my thoughts or re-live moments that at one time made me smile and now make me yearn for the past. "What good does that do me?" I think. In reality... it does me no good at all.

No matter if we like it or not, God has full control over our lives. We can't choose that, we can only choose to acknowledge that. We can choose to lay down our fears, anxieties, stresses, thoughts, dreams, desires, ambitions, cares, worries and anything else going on at the foot of the cross. I will NEVER sit here and write that I am perfect at doing that. I will NEVER say that it is so easy to just lay it all down. All my sin, shame, guilt, frustration, anger and pain. We can say we lay it down all day long, but the question is, do we truly, with all our heart, lay it down at the foot of the cross with everything we have?

I will admit the hardest thing for me to lay at the foot of the cross is my relationships. Underneath my gun shooting, naturing loving, crazy sports fanatic exterior, I am a hopeless romantic deep down. I am the girlie girl who enjoys quality time and that smile that can melt my heart. When it comes to giving that over to the Lord, it terrifies me to my very core.

Why do I have such a hard time with that? Well, God is still revealing most of that to me, but I have a sense it has something to do with my lack of patience and my fear of the outcome. I have said it many times and I will say it again... I am NOT patient. God did not bless me with that gift. I am not even good at hiding that fact that I am impatient. I am told you can tell just by looking at my face. I know that is a part of me that God is continuously working on with me.

It's hard to be running a race when you don't see the finish line. I am close friends with many half and full marathon runners. They will all tell me that when they know the finish line is approaching, a surge of adrenaline kicks in and they push harder to finish. But life is a little different. I kind of see it as we have two finish lines. The first finish line is where we want to be at the end of the struggle we are going through. To see the outcome. To know what will happen. To see how God is going to move mountains through the pain, confusion and disarray we are going through. To be able to breathe a sigh of relief now that it is over. We long to be that marathon runner who can see the finish line at the end. The second finish line is one that we do know is coming. The finish line when we get to be with our Father for eternity. When we get to see Him and, if we have lived a life centered on serving the Lord and making Him known to this world, hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." When we will no longer feel pain, suffering or confusion. We long for both of those finish lines.

I can honestly tell you... I sometimes fear I will never see the first finish line. Some days I feel like I may see that red tape in the distance. A big smile comes across my face. I light up. I get excited. Then... I fall and sprain my ankle. That finish line disappears and I'm back at square one and starting all over again. When that situation has happened more than a couple times, you tend to wish you had just stayed down in the first place and not gotten back up.

Well I'm here to say, that every time I have been down, every time I have not wanted to get myself up off the ground I have been able to get up. "Why?" you may ask... Well I can only think of one thing. God. God is my rock. God is so good. God is so sovereign. Even though I write this, I sit here and think about the times I have not wanted to get up. The times when I have been on my knees praying to God for guidance. To hear His voice speak straight to me. I sit back and think about the times when I questioned why God was having me go through everything that I am going through or have gone through in the past. I always come to the same answer. To teach me something. To show me His glory. To allow me to tell this story and tell of God's unwavering love and mercy and forgiveness in my life.

I am currently going through a season in my life where the highs have had me singing from the roof tops and the lows have had me in the trenches just wanting to be alone and wallow in self-pity. I am going through a season where I am afraid to take a step forward for the fear of tripping over my own shoelaces. You know who is so ever present in this season besides my Rock and my Redeemer? Satan. He is so present.

I remember going through a time back in June of this year where Satan was attacking me in any way possible before I left for my first international mission trip. I was emotionally wounded from a relationship just ending. I was mentally wounded by pain of my past being brought to the forefront of my mind and I was physically wounded from falling a couple stairs hurting my foot and slamming my elbow at home. I had never felt Satan so much. Now I would like to retract that statement and say NOW is when I have felt him the most.

Satan knows where I am the weakest. Satan knows where I will stumble and turn back to my old life. He knows when I am feeling alone is the perfect time to strike. He knows that right people to attack in my life.

I am going through a season where I need to live on the fact that God is the only steadfast thing I can cling to. I need to give up control of everything in my life. I need to step back and go slow for once. To be patient with certain people. To rely on His timing and not my own. I know God is teaching me something much bigger than patience.

My question to you is, what is your first finish line? What finish line are you running to get to? Do you think you can give that finish line to God and rely on His perfect timing? It's something that I work on daily. Something I struggle with daily. I tend to love being in control. Do you want to go on this journey with me? This journey of giving up that first finish line? I'll run this marathon with you my friends. God will run this marathon with us.

In Him and for His Glory!